My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
