sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
