I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize