when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
