Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
