I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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