I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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