I got her a Nickelback box set.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I touched a dick in church today
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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