This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize