I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
