I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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