honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize