Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

what do you have against ST

(1-540): View more from Virginia

DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.

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(613): View more from Ontario

i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is

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(480): View more from Arizona

I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground

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(334): View more from Alabama

after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'

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(949): View more from California

if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous

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(818): View more from California

I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me

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(303): View more from Colorado

I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese

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