You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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