you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
