I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
