how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
