had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
