so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
