It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
