i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
