So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
