this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
