My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
