Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
