Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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