That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
