I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
