btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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