Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You left your phone here
Wait...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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