let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
