the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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