there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
