The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize