Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
