I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
