We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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