Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
