i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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