4 words: hood of his car
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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