now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
