We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
