Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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