But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
