omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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