Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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