Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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