Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
