One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
