her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
