I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
