Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
