My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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