Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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