I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
