Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
His nipple licking is glorious
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