thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
