so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
