he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
