i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
