he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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