So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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