I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My hand turned me down
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
