Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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