I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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