What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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