If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She announced her abortion via fbk
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
