Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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